On Friday night apparently I went Crazy.
I woke up just before 2am with the intense KNOWLEDGE that there was a horrifying, creepy bug crawling across the bed towards me, heading right for me, possibly with a view towards paralyzing me with poison and eating me very very slowly while Craig slept on mere inches away.
But I digress (when do I ever not?), in my mind (or at least I think it was, I’m still not sure if it was real or not) this bug was a cross between a weta and a daddy long legs spider – all menacing arched legs and swaying body – so I was sitting up in an instant, looking back at the space of warm sleep softened sheet I’d just been lying on. Now of course it was covered with ominous dips and whorls, hollows perfect for hiding bug assassins.
At about this point I was staring at the sheet, trying to track the bug IN THE DARK, when Craig turned over and looked at me. In the instant it took to see him, I LOST THE BUG, so of course I whispered (who was I afraid of waking? Maybe afraid of giving away my position, always stealthy am I) “there’s a bug in the bed” and he just looked at me.
So again I said, “there’s a BUG in the BED” and again he just looked at me – perhaps as though I was crazy – of course I was terrified because I’d lost the bug and Craig WAS NOT HELPING.
I thought about lying back down for about a second, but I didn’t want to become bug prey, and besides, any husband that won’t turn on the light to help his panicked wife find a huge horrifying bug deserves to be pouted at, so I grabbed my cellphone (I had an alarm set), and flounced out to the lounge.
I ended up sleeping on the couch. I was wrapped in 2 bright green blankets and, being rather short, I do fit on the couch so I wasn’t cold or uncomfortable, which was unfortunate because that sure would have showed Craig.
I waited until it was light enough to spot bugs and went back to our bed. I sat there with a book and Craig turned over “morning baby” … “… morning”
I spent the next few hours pouting at him with half my mouth because really, he should have mentioned something, until finally I did and found out that HE HAD NO IDEA WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT.
He had been asleep the whole time, when I was being terrified by the bug and when I flounced out to sleep on the couch – HE HADN’T EVEN MISSED ME.
So, I had a fight with Craig while he was asleep. That takes dedication.
It reminds me of the 22nd December 2005 when I wrote this :
Last night was a little Crazy.
by Last night I mean at 1:47 this morning.
I woke up to Craig throwing our ENTIRE duvet off the bed. I immediately thought of Kirk in Gilmore Girls (eep) and the documentary airing on tv tonight about Night Terrors that lead to violence (eep). He sat up and huffed as if he couldn’t sleep because he’s too hot, so no night terrors. I put my hand on him and got no response (seriously eep!).
He then leaned over, gathered up the blanket, covers himself, lies back down and makes going to sleep noises.
me : uh Craig?
c : yea?
me : you awake?
c : yea
me : you sure?
c : yea
me : 100%?
c : … yea?
me : because you just pulled the blankets completely off me, threw them on the floor, then put them back all on you!
c : oh baby !! I’m sorry !
me : it’s ok. But uh give me some blankets though.
And, on a not completely unrelated note :
This morning my alarm woke me up from a very very strange dream where the movie March of the Penguins (which I have not seen by the way) was about an aquarium (but shaped like a very large swimming pool, nothing in terms of fake natural habitat) that houses white whales and white seals, and as it was a little small the seals kept being whacked about by huge whale-tails.
I felt very badly for the seals.
Apparently my sub-conscious doesn’t realise that whales and seals are not exactly Penguins at all.