Archive | April, 2006

So now we’re both night-time crazy people – at least we’re even.

30 Apr

On Friday night apparently I went Crazy.

I woke up just before 2am with the intense KNOWLEDGE that there was a horrifying, creepy bug crawling across the bed towards me, heading right for me, possibly with a view towards paralyzing me with poison and eating me very very slowly while Craig slept on mere inches away.
But I digress (when do I ever not?), in my mind (or at least I think it was, I’m still not sure if it was real or not) this bug was a cross between a weta and a daddy long legs spider – all menacing arched legs and swaying body – so I was sitting up in an instant, looking back at the space of warm sleep softened sheet I’d just been lying on. Now of course it was covered with ominous dips and whorls, hollows perfect for hiding bug assassins.
At about this point I was staring at the sheet, trying to track the bug IN THE DARK, when Craig turned over and looked at me. In the instant it took to see him, I LOST THE BUG, so of course I whispered (who was I afraid of waking? Maybe afraid of giving away my position, always stealthy am I) “there’s a bug in the bed” and he just looked at me.
So again I said, “there’s a BUG in the BED” and again he just looked at me – perhaps as though I was crazy – of course I was terrified because I’d lost the bug and Craig WAS NOT HELPING.
I thought about lying back down for about a second, but I didn’t want to become bug prey, and besides, any husband that won’t turn on the light to help his panicked wife find a huge horrifying bug deserves to be pouted at, so I grabbed my cellphone (I had an alarm set), and flounced out to the lounge.

I ended up sleeping on the couch. I was wrapped in 2 bright green blankets and, being rather short, I do fit on the couch so I wasn’t cold or uncomfortable, which was unfortunate because that sure would have showed Craig.

I waited until it was light enough to spot bugs and went back to our bed. I sat there with a book and Craig turned over “morning baby” … “… morning”
Nothing.
I spent the next few hours pouting at him with half my mouth because really, he should have mentioned something, until finally I did and found out that HE HAD NO IDEA WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT.
He had been asleep the whole time, when I was being terrified by the bug and when I flounced out to sleep on the couch – HE HADN’T EVEN MISSED ME.
So, I had a fight with Craig while he was asleep. That takes dedication.

It reminds me of the 22nd December 2005 when I wrote this :
Last night was a little Crazy.
by Last night I mean at 1:47 this morning.
I woke up to Craig throwing our ENTIRE duvet off the bed. I immediately thought of Kirk in Gilmore Girls (eep) and the documentary airing on tv tonight about Night Terrors that lead to violence (eep). He sat up and huffed as if he couldn’t sleep because he’s too hot, so no night terrors. I put my hand on him and got no response (seriously eep!).
He then leaned over, gathered up the blanket, covers himself, lies back down and makes going to sleep noises.
me : uh Craig?
c : yea?
me : you awake?
c : yea
me : you sure?
c : yea
me : 100%?
c : … yea?
me : because you just pulled the blankets completely off me, threw them on the floor, then put them back all on you!
c : oh baby !! I’m sorry !
me : it’s ok. But uh give me some blankets though.

And, on a not completely unrelated note :
This morning my alarm woke me up from a very very strange dream where the movie March of the Penguins (which I have not seen by the way) was about an aquarium (but shaped like a very large swimming pool, nothing in terms of fake natural habitat) that houses white whales and white seals, and as it was a little small the seals kept being whacked about by huge whale-tails.
I felt very badly for the seals.
Apparently my sub-conscious doesn’t realise that whales and seals are not exactly Penguins at all.

Anzac Day – Some people fear war, I fear moths.

24 Apr

Last night Craig and I were watching Grey’s Anatomy (oh how I love it) when an ad came on that featured a girl (and then a boy) being terrorised by a moth.
Craig : oh come on! It’s just a moth
Sarah : Just a Moth? JUST A MOTH? They’re flying rats with wings! Gah.
Craig : but … it’s just a moth…
Sarah : no they divebomb and they’re furry and gah the huge ones ughhhh
Craig : Huge ones? They’re tiny
Sarah : Uh, have you seen the ones as big as your, well, my hand? HAVE YOU?
Craig : ha! As big as your hand??
Sarah : … yes!
Craig : no … really?
Sarah : … YES! As BIG as MY HAND. I’ve seen them twice and the first time I freaked out shaking for 45 minutes before crying and the next time it kept me from the kitchen because I could see it on the chair and it looked like it was breathing and they’re so awful
Craig : huh.
Sarah : I’m going to google “Giant Terror Moths” tomorrow and prove it.

But “Giant Terror Moths” only brought back reviews of Blood Beast Terror, a 1969 movie about a creature that is capable of transforming back and forth between a giant Death Head moth and a beautiful woman. The creature masquerades as his daughter when she is in her human incarnation and feeds on the blood of her victims when she is in the moth form. which sounds really fucking scary but not exactly real, or native to New Zealand (I hope).

TERROR MOTH

Puriri moth
Aenetus virescens
Of the more than 1500 different moths in New Zealand, the biggest and most spectacular is the puriri or ghost moth of the North Island.
The female’s wingspan can be up to 15-centimetres, its pale velvety-green colour very ghost-like.

A GIANT MOTH also known as the GHOST MOTH ?? I think my fear is justified.
Also – wing span = 15cm? Sarah’s hand span = 16cm.
So it is Definitely AS BIG AS MY HAND.

It’s no better when the wings are furled around its fat furry creepy moth body.

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Apparently all these years Craig has thought my fear of moths (the same fear that has brought me to tears at times) is based on

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The Silver Y moth Chrysodeixis eriosoma
Wing span = 36 mm

He has no faith in me at all.

Sarah : So wait, all this time you’ve thought my fear of moths stemmed from those tiny furry Kauri* moths?
Craig : Well, you’ve been known to think some crazy things.

* Please note : Googling for Kauri Moths bore no fruit (so to speak) and so I had to wade through photo after photo of horrifying furry moths until I guessed at something that looked familiar. I now have extremely tense arms because moths tend to make my arms twitch in disgust (the fear is in my head and my stomach).
The things I do for you, I swear.

My Hephaestus (only, he’s not lame … and he’s not a blacksmith)

23 Apr

Sitting here in my short sleeves I can feel my hair near my elbows – a sign of a good day.

I fell in love with my husband all over again this weekend.

On Saturday night we went to see Dylan Moran and the seats were up in the gods.
It was the first time I had any sort of feeling akin to vertigo and I found it unnerving.
I kept looking at the elaborate ceiling that was so close to us and feeling my head swim just a little.
Mr Moran was a tiny tiny little man, fitting for his tiny angry diatribe that made up much of the show. He was very funny, but he spent far too long talking about how everyone is unhappy all the time which made me feel sorry for him, tiny angry little leprechaun man, I’m happy most of the time.
There was a heckler. I hate hecklers with a passion but Dylan gave him a dressing down “you just sit there and evolve”, “you had a shit time there, you’re having a shit time here, ever think that maybe it isn’t the location?” – on learning the heckler was an irishman.
“Your smell has a sound”
All art is “jesus, fruit or tits”.
Leaving the theatre we met a friend who turned around and said “Have you seen his DVD Monster?” uh no “you just did.”

My poor, tired, long suffering husband put up with me as I dragged him to Espressoholic with Kat and Tim and … others. He yawned and smiled and made dirty conversation and drank orange juice while we had coffee.
Tim : somethingsomething like a horse!
Craig : oh well, I don’t like to brag
Kat : Ha! you should ask his Wife!
Sarah’s Head : don’t say it, don’t say it, it’s gross and just gah! don’t say it …
Sarah : Well, I don’t choke and tell.
Sarah’s Head : gah, damnit!

On Sunday morning I managed to touch Craig’s lips enough to wake him up before 10. We had very important shopping missions to accomplish. Craig has been wearing a jersey-jacket for a couple of years now and the grey has heathered to a purple-y-brown and the collar has frayed. So we went hunting for them.
He ended up with two, one with a blue that brings out his eyes and I love, and one that makes him look like a race-car driver which he loves.
On the way back home we stopped so I could purchase 2 canvases and a graphite pencil. I spent the afternoon painting while Craig created dentist noises in the garage.

It was nice spending so much time with him, talking in the interval up in the gods, holding hands in the courtyard of espressoholic, standing in the same changing room as he tries on jackets, driving out to Tawa and back singing along to old rock songs and having him come inside smelling of metal, my Hephaestus, telling me that my painting is very pretty.

Oh also – I’m winning our bet.
I found trivia about the test track for Top Gear – that Gambon corner is so called because Michael Gambon came close to rolling his car as he drove (maniacally) around it. I brought this fact to Craig like a cat with a mouse and all he said was “… yea?” as if to say “… I know, so what?”.
According to him they tell this anecdote nearly weekly, and I swear that I’ve never heard it before.
I tried to bet him $10 that they wouldn’t mention it that week, but he wasn’t having a bar of it. I then bet that they wouldn’t mention it once in the next month (4 shows) and we shook on it and the bet was on.
So far it has been two shows, and not one tale of Michael Gambon’s driving.
At least I know he’s not just letting me win this bet.

Fiddle dee dee potatoes – we’re on our way to see Dylan Moran

22 Apr

Craig : Ohh BNT … There’re too many car parts shops
Sarah : Feeding your habit
Craig : Yea
Sarah : You need to go to C.A.A
Craig : C.A.A?
Sarah : Car Addicts Anonymous
Craig : ha. The Henry Ford Clinic
Sarah : Ha! hee.
Craig : What?
Sarah : … that was funny!
a minute later
Craig : It was a Tim Allen joke
Sarah : what?
Craig : yea …
Sarah : And here I was thinking how
Craig : funny I was?
Sarah : funny and quickwitted
Craig : and it’s a Tool Man joke

Ready for my Twin set & Pearls, Matching High Heels and Vacuum Cleaner

20 Apr

I feel like I’m glowing today. As though my face is radiant, my hair is perfect, shiny and curled, and my nails have a perfect French polish finish.
I should be wearing a poodle skirt and pumps.
In short – I feel vaguely dirty.
Because last night, I went to a Tupperware Party.

wind’s from the east, mist comin’ in
I should have known something was off when I had the urge to bake biscuits yesterday afternoon, I didn’t know it would lead to harder things.

In the evening I received a call from Kat, asking me to come along to a party her sister was throwing, a Tupperware Party, I tried to say No but I bowed under peer pressure. And, the pressure of not actually having a good reason to say No.

It ended up being Kat and I sat in a room with 7 other women, one of whom stood in front of us talking about dating gifts, about bowls that extend when you move them just the right way, your mini stuffables, and which vegetables were the heavy breathers (I always suspected Broccoli) .
There was a demonstration of cookware and a game was played – I won a melon baller and had to put up with my mind repeating Balla Baby for the rest of the night (damn you Chingy).

Needless to say, the engaged and interested face I kept plastered on was to cover the smirking, about-to-laugh-my-arse-off underneath.

Kat and I decided that to recover, we’re going to throw a D.Vice party – much more our scene.
No Mum, you’re not invited. I might die.

Oh, not only did I come home with my very own melon baller, but the kind of headache only incessant selling can give you.

While I may not be Tupperware material, I did come home and fashion a pillowcase from an old petticoat so maybe, just maybe I can eligible for the pearls? … anyone? … anyone? … Martha?

19 Apr

On Saturday Craig’s team played soccer in Seatoun.
I went along and in the half hour before they started the game I went down to the shore.
(Click on the photo above to see shots from the day)

Craig’s team won resoundingly

Happy Bunny Day! My Husband Is Delusional! I Have Glasses!

14 Apr

Easter irritates me.
Generally I try and ignore it but with all the ads and the displays of eggs seemingly everywhere it becomes harder than not knowing who Britney Spears is.
I do not like Easter. I am not Christian so I do not celebrate the birth of DEATH OF Jesus, (damn. SEE!) I don’t enjoy gorging myself on chocolate, and hell, I don’t even want to celebrate my fertility! (or that of the earth).
So Easter’s just a no-go for me.

My husband (to whom I have been married for THREE MONTHS today) is delusional.
Last night he was asking me about my work this morning, and decided he would walk with me on my way to work, then turn around and jog home. He insisted even after I told him that I was leaving at SIX-THIRTY in the morning. At six this morning (when he asked that I wake him) it was an entirely different story. Heh.
(he is going to walk home with me though.)

I walked to work today (ALONE) with a package clasped under my arm.
A USPS package dampened by dew because yesterday I thought it was just junkmail.
It was the glasses I ordered only a week ago so now I have sad little emo glasses to call my own.
Or to call Soho – even though I ordered Sonoma.
(they are actually the sonoma style so …)
Poor emo glasses so identity confused!

Reason number 738342 I love my family

13 Apr

(What? I’ve known them a lot longer than I’ve known Craig.)

While driving home from Coffee a cd is playing in the car.
I hear Queen Bitch by David Bowie, followed by The Ballad of John and Yoko by The Beatles and Girl From Mars by Ash …
Sarah : Is this my Wedding playlist?
Mummy-dear : Yes! We play it all the time and we sing along to the …
Jayne : The Key Song
Sarah : oh! Rollerskates. Cool.

What? I’m a grown up.

9 Apr

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There was widespread flooding in Lower Hutt on Saturday night.
Coming home from work at 11pm, the taxi driver swerved to avoid a puddle (lake!) that took up the entire left hand side of the road.
So as soon as I got home I did what any sane person would do … I put on my hooded jacket, grabbed my keys and camera, and ran through the lake in my canvas converse.

I dripped back home, euphoric.

5 Apr

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The Husband And I have been married for 82 days today.
And how do I know this? (besides my general obsession with the husband) because Poor Eminem filed for divorce today, after only 82 days of marriage (source).

Marshall ‘Eminem’ Mathers and Kim ‘uh’ Mathers were married on the 14th January 2006.
The very same day as the husband and I.

… I guess this means we win?

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