I am miniature. People find this Hilarious.

Disclaimer: I am (in my opinion) just a regular small-sized person. Others would beg to differ. There is nothing (as far as we know) medically causing my lack of … size, but my mother did smoke while she was pregnant.

This weekend my mother found my diminutive stature frankly, hilarious.
I was sitting in the drivers seat (ssh. more on this later) and I said
Sarah : So, you just push the pedals with your toes then?
Mum : Uh, yea, the balls of your feet.
Sarah : Oh. So your feet are just meant to hang there?
Mum : No, you push the pedals.
Sarah : It’s awkward to do that with my toes
Mum : No, the balls of your feet!
Sarah : The balls of my feet don’t reach the pedals if my feet are touching the floor of the car!

And every single time she got behind the wheel to reverse or turn us around or steer us around a very solid parked car she looked in the rearview mirror at my other sister (also learning to drive. But she’s 15, and much taller than I) and collapse into laughter.
After seeing this I knew that Craig and I would never be able to share a car, he already complains about his new midget driving position when my mother moves the seat. I don’t think he’ll even be able to get into the car after I’ve used it!
Which might actually be kind of fun in an Oh godDAMN it Sarah! kind of way.

Oddly enough, I too found it difficult to get out of the car when the seat was pushed up against the steering column.
I guess 5″1 is really that short after all.

This really means that something monumental is happening.
I AM LEARNING TO DRIVE!
After 7 years of conscientious objection I am finally giving in and learning to drive.
More than that! (which is seriously, huge enough news as it is) I am doing so not to settle a score, or to prove my (darling)husband wrong but just because.
Ok. Fine. Not just because but because of an undesirable comparison to someone else who shall not be named (Voldemort!?) who also cannot drive.

My first lesson was this past saturday and when I returned home I found Craig out in the garage and burbled wildly
Sarah : Hey baby, I drove!
Craig : Yea?
Sarah : Yea! I didn’t cry or crash or anything. And I went into second gear and turned in a circle!!
Craig : Well done.
He’s just glad I haven’t been scared off … yet.

NB: I also have short grandmothers. So it’s Genetics vs Cigarettes and I think it’s Genetics for the win

The Abominable Dr. Phibes …

Craig and I have a new neighbour!

Craig : you know the new neighbour?
Me : … yea
Craig : He’s an embalmer
Me : Hee! Cool!
Craig : I thought you’d like that.

a minute passes

Craig : You know, I think you’ve desensitised me to all that
Me : What?
Craig : Yea, he told me and paused like he was expecting a big reaction and I was just like oh yea and went on talking about what we’d been talking about. My car.
Me : huh.

Just doing my wifely duty.